Saturday, 15 June 2013

A break in the Clouds - failing with PMS

One of my favourite places in the World-Worms head, the Gower Peninsula 

Well, I've come crawling back. There was never a conscious decision to not come on here and give voice to my minutia but things got a bit hard there for a while and I needed to regroup a little. Working up the interest level to come here and write was hard, as I had a complete lack of interest in almost everything for a time.

It was nothing different especially - I just got a bit overwhelmed is all. There were tears and dark thoughts but I'm coming through.
This isn't new to me, I battled really hard with some nasty feelings as a teenager which took a long time to be diagnosed as PMS. For some women PMS can be that little bit more insidious and I'm one of them. I've been on the pill since I was 14, and that along with a conscious decision to "be the best version of me" got me thorough some pretty hellish moments.

But the best version of me has been through the wringer of late. Friends moving away and a sense of worthlessness associated with under-employment, coupled with coming off the pill kind of tipped me a little. And of course, because it all happens mid-cycle, it took a little while for the proverbial penny to drop. Now that it has a name I feel more in control again. I'm going to add some evening primrose oil to my morning routine and see how that works out for me.
Genuinely though, just knowing it's not everything else, that it's just my body rebelling can be enough.

It hasn't all been doom and gloom of course.
As I mentioned, I came off the pill. We are not necessarily "trying", but we're not really not trying any more either. Due to some health reasons this may not be an easy road for us and the doctors say sooner rather than later so we are listening to them.

We had a semi-successful vegan May. Halted midway due to a study revealing that a lack of iodine in the diet is not good for the development of babies. This freaked me out as we are vegetarians already and iodine is most often found in meat and dairy. I don't really like supplements. I prefer to get things through food when possible. For example did you know that your recommended daily dose of selenium can be found in one and a half Brazil nuts? And selenium is good for your mental health, endorphins etc.

We also took a trip to the Gower in Wales with some friends (keep an eye out for a post on that soon). It is such a beautiful place. It really centres me.
And some of the biggest news is in my job hunt. I've been offered a job in Switzerland and am waiting to hear back about a position in London that I interviewed for this week. Man I love London. So many people really hate it but I love its vibrancy. I was lucky enough to live there for a year while I did  my Mres and it was one of my favourite years so far.

If you've read all that-thank you. While I was away I was reading my favourite blogs as usual - weirdly I couldn't comment. I think it might be my browser. I am using FireFox but I can't update it because my Mac is too old :(. I might try reading on Safari because I don't like being gagged. I have shit to say!


  1. I've got the worthless underemployed blues as well!! It's so hard when you're doing your best and working and still can't afford fuck all. I go home on payday feeling so depressed.

    1. This! And it's summer and I have all these amazing ideas and plans and fun things to do but not the capital to make it happen. Grr. I feel so freakin' boring!

  2. Glad to see you back :) I hope things get a little easier for you, sounds like there's a lot going on. Good luck coming off the pill, those hormones are crazy I find (similar issues here).

    1. Never stops does it? I've been reading along with you and you do seem to be going through some shit too. Hang in there buddy (not a word I normally use but it feels appropriate here-correct me if I'm wrong!)Xx

  3. Ciara, tough times! I missed your blogs while you were away and totally relate. I think you're great for being so honest about what you're going through, it's very inspiring.

    1. I never quite know if it's honest or whiny really.
      I can only admit this stuff when I am feeling better though. If I could figure out how to communicate better when I'm in a funk I'd be doing well.
      Thanks for missing us :) XX